Sunday, November 1, 2009

Underneath the pine grew a patch of thyme that I burned for six days in the sun

I was going to start off this blog post talking about how everything is pretty much going to shit atm but then I went back and deleted the three paragraphs that I had already written. I was so sad on Friday, everybody was talking about getting dressed up and going out and it just made me feel like shit because I knew I wasn't doing any of that stuff. I feel sorry for my mother, she doesn't like seeing me upset, especially when there isn't much she can do to make me feel better. It must be so frustrating. On Halloween, I ended up going to see Saw with my friend, as mentioned, but we didn't come back to my place. My brother is sick with the flu and my parents didn't think it was a good idea to invite somebody over. I'm just glad Halloween is over and I don't have to think about it anymore.

But fuck that. Ya, I didn't go to any parties on Halloween, I didn't dress up, I didn't carve any pumpkins, I didn't get any candy, etc etc. I make a point of not being a totally miserable person, I choose to find happiness in the small and mundane, day to day happenings of my life. I have to, if I didn't then I think I would be far worse off than I am now. Those Star Wars shirts, for example. It seems so insignificant but I was beaming on Monday morning when I wore one to school. Or getting a letter in the mail from my Pen Pal, and seeing it sitting on the kitchen table when I get home from school. Even finding new music I like, downloading it and listening to the album over and over and over. These things make me so happy, which is ridiculous but it's not like I can look forward to much else. Painting my nails pretty colours, finding a new way to style my hair, doing crafts, making things, finding a lady bug crawling on my desk while sitting in a portable during history class. I feel sorry for people who can't find even the smallest things to be happy about.

"I pity people who can't find laughter or at least some bit of amusement in the little doings of the day. I believe I could find something ridiculous even in the saddest moment, if necessary. It has nothing to do with being superficial. It's a matter of joy in life." - Sophie Scholl

That's why I went out to take photos early this morning. It makes me so happy, being out in the forest at sunrise, alone with my camera and the trees. I spent two hours there, my mother had to come in and find me, I didn't want to leave. It was as if, for a moment, nothing else really mattered. I want to live every day feeling like that, I hate having to constantly be on my guard at school. It is so nerve-racking, it's wearing me down. I'm sad that school is becoming this much of a let down. I was talking to my grandpa a few weeks ago when we went to visit, and he said that these would be the best years of my life (or should be - he's 92 years old, he isn't familiar with how my life is like at school). That scared me, I feel like I'm just wasting away my time. Surely I'm not the only one. I feel that the only person I may ever have a chance of actually forming a strong bond with is somebody who, like me, knows exactly what it's like to be completely alone and isolated from people there own age. Or, no, maybe not, maybe just somebody who has an open mind, and a genuine, kind soul. I think that's it. Somebody who's not trying to be something they aren't. I value honesty and knowing ones self, I think that is so important, to stay true to what you believe in. Why is that so hard to find? Maybe it's not. Maybe I'm just not looking hard enough.

I'm ranting now - here are some photos from today.




The focus in this one makes my heart do back-flips.





Sweater courtesy of my father's closet, altered by me.

These next photos are from a different roll. I used a 100 ASA film but had the camera set to 400... I thought I had ruined my film but the focus in some of these are pretty incredible. Yay for happy mistakes!







Alright well I've saved the best news for last.
I'm going to see Star Wars: In Concert with my best guy friend. I'm so excited, you have no idea. There's going to be a live orchestra playing the score from all six movies with a montage of clips narrated LIVE (yes, he's going to be there) by Anthony Daniels (C3PO). There's also going to be an exhibit with props from the movies. I've been waiting for something this awesome to come my way for a long time now and omg I can hardly contain myself. Going with somebody who is just as much of a Star Wars fanatic as me is a plus too. Is it November 26th yet?!

I think that's all. I'm going to go and do nothing for the next hour and then go to bed. I've been up since 6:00 and I feel like I might drop dead soon.
I hope everybody had a good Halloween!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

"Don’t call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease.”

More clothes! wooooo

I went into Toronto today and did some shopping. I wasn't finding alot as far as vintage goes. I looked for more granny ankle boots but couldn't find any which made me sad. I did find a super cute dress though. It has a black and white top with a striped floral bottom. I feel like a flower child when I wear it.



I didn't find any other vintage clothes which is disappointing. So I went down to Urban Outfitters and bought a skirt because I have absolutely no willpower whatsoever. I didn't even need a skirt but I bought it anyways because it wasn't gathered like all of the ones I already own, and I have an unhealthy obsession with pretty florals.



Next, I went to H&M to look for tank tops and as I was walking by a table of clothing I spotted out of the corner of my eye a Star Wars t shirt. I looked around for more and when I found them I kind of had a mini heart attack in the middle of the store. I was so happy with myself, I bought a shirt and a dress. YES. A STAR WARS DRESS. IS YOUR MIND BLOWN? IT SHOULD BE.



It's more of a t-shirt dress but a dress nonetheless. I'm going to be the happiest person at school (for once) when I wear this thing. OMG IS IT MONDAY YET?! Oh and as if it couldn't get any more awesome, the back is covered in little stars. It's like I'm a freaking walking/talking-galaxy-far-far-away.



The other t-shirt. I'm so giddy right now. Who knew t-shirts could make you so happy?


I bought some other little stuff, nothing too important. I had no idea today was the Zombie Walk in Toronto. It was creepy as hell. I was waiting to catch a street car on Queen St. and I look up to see a freaking zombie standing on top of the little shelter, screaming at cars going by. It was the funniest/scariest thing I have ever seen. I started seeing more after that. I even saw somebody dressed up as Pyramid Head from Silent Hill walking down the street.. Oh and then you had the odd zombie sticking their head out of the bus windows screaming at everybody as they went by. Hahaha. If I knew somebody who would want to dress up with me I would have totally taken part in it. Dressing up as a zombie soulds like so much fun. I've always wanted to go to Comic Con and dress up. I love those types of things. The idea of being with a group of people who all share the same general interests sounds like such a good idea. I mean, when you go to things like that, it's pretty much guaranteed that everybody there is just as much of a geek as you if not more. I wanted to be Poison Ivy this year for Halloween. I thought that was such a good idea, seeing as I already have the hair for it. Which sucks is that, even if I did buy the costume, I wouldn't have anywhere to wear it to. My friend was supposed to hang out with me at Halloween, and we were supposed to dress up and go out. Not anymore. I'm kind of crushed. My mother said I could have my own party. That made me laugh. I think my idea of a party is not the same as other people's ideas. I would have like halloween themed disposible paper plates and napkins with little ghosts on them.. and we would sit around and eat halloween cake while watching Casper on my big screen tv. And then we'd carve those little mini pumpkins. I love those things. Too bad I'm not even carving any pumpkin this year, my mother isn't giving out candy. One of my favourite holidays is being slowly taken away from me. Thanks mom.

So instead, on Halloween, my best guy friend and I are going to see Saw and then we're coming back to my place to watch the rest of them. Fun fun fun. Oh and the day before, my father's birthday, we're going to Mandarin (this huge buffet place that charges ridiculous prices but is oh so good).

I was going to take photos tomorrow morning but I'm too tired and I've got so much homework. I'm afraid all of the pretty leaves will be gone soon. Hopefully by next weekend not all of the trees will be bare.

Ohhhhh - New moon in less than a month. The break up scene was leaked. I couldn't watch it. I wouldn't allow myself. That is the one scene that definately should not be seen until you sit down in the theatre and watch the movie for the first time. I'm going to have to bring a box of tissues with me for that one. I'm kind of embarrassed to be a Twilight fan seeing as a large portion of the fan base has such a bad reputation for being slightly insane. Which I am not. I don't think.

That's all I suppose. Tomorrow - math homework and Star Wars 4, 5 and 6. :)

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Please don't go, I'll eat you up I love you so.

I saw Where The Wild Things Are tonight with my friend. Oh my god. It took my breath away - it was so beautiful. I wanted to live there, I wanted to sail away and live with my own family of wild things. The music, the cinematography, the wild things themselves, I can't get over how perfect everything was. The characters were so well done, every wild thing had it's own distict personality, you couldn't help but to fall in love with them. Max Records was perfect as Max (haha, Max/Max? Funny how that works). It was so believeable too. The wild things looked so real, their expressions were so heartbreaking, almost painful, at times. I felt like just giving each of them a big hug. I'm not going to lie, I was crying by the end of the movie. I mean, who hasn't felt like Max at one point in their life? Like nobody understands, you're being left out, you just want to run away and create your own world and make everything you want to happen, happen. Ahhhhhhh I don't even know what else to say, I'm so blown away with this movie.

When I get home from movies like this I get sad. The idea of a different world, different creatures, different people, basically magical faraway places, is a sad one when I realise it all isn't real. Even books, when it ends I get sad because the adventure is over and my life will never been as magical as that. Oz, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, that's why I love these things so much. They are so beautiful and fantastic and the characters are so strong. They will never be real though. When I go to Europe, the change in scenery and people bring me one step closer to that non-existent, magical place. I'm so hopeless. My head is constantly in the clouds, never thinking of what is real. I think that's why I can let go of relationships so easily. When somebody pisses me off, and I mean really pisses me off, I don't even think about it. I just let them go. I just stop caring. I can't tolerate senseless people. Then I just shrink back into myself even more, with my books and movies and ridiculous dreams. Even when I have a chance to share this with somebody, they don't care. When somebody is talking to me about the things they care about, I'm more than happy to listen. Heck, I would love to listen, because I know it is important to them. But when it's my turn to say something, these people don't seem to pick it up. They just drop the ball. Then I'm left, sitting there, feeling like a complete idiot for even trying to talk about myself for once. So I don't anymore. They used to, back when I was in public school, I had a large group of friends and it was so much fun. Then, I was sitting in class one day, and it hit me so hard. I forget what it's like to be with a large group of people.

Wowowowow sorry for all of that depressive shit. Ok I'm going to post some happy fun stuff now. How about some pictures? Everybody likes pictures.



I made an acorn necklace! Isn't it cute? The acorn is from my brother's University campus. It's supposed to be good luck. :)



The Where The Wild Things Are t-shirt I bought a while ago and wore to the movie. Don't ask about the lame Sponge Bob pillow - I was obsessed with that show in the sixth grade and I've still got a few things left for nostalgic reasons.



What I've been watching all week while doing my math homework. Such a good show, I will never get tired of it. The first generation will always be my favourite. This season kind of makes me want to punch Tony in the face though.



Some vintage fabric I found at Value Village the other day. There is so much of it, atleast 5 meters. I think I'll make another skirt, I'm really obsessed with pretty florals lately.

I was going to take photos tomorrow but I don't think I will because my parents are going to Fairview or some other mall in Toronto to get my brother's iPhone fixed. He dropped it in the toilet. Ya. Those things happen at University. Especially when you're carrying around a rye and coke with you. I'm going to stay home and work in my dark room a bit. I would go with my parents but I'm going vintage shopping next weekend and would rather spend my money then. I'm going to look for some more little ankle/granny lace-up boots (think Pretty in Pink) because I have a black pair which I'm in love with.

That's all for now. Go see Where The Wild Things Are if you haven't already yet. Seriously.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

The leaves that are green turn to brown, and they wither with the wind, and they crumble in your hand.

I did it. I went out to the forest with my gigantic tripod and took photos. I got up at 7:00 and was at the forest by 8:00. There was nobody there, everything was still and quiet. The sun was low in the sky, just after sun rise, and everything was so beautiful I could hardly contain myself. It reminded me of those day dreams I frequently have, the ones where I imagine myself somewhere beautiful, totally happy and content with my surroundings. I was there for atleast an hour, maybe more, wandering around open meadows and through thick clusters of trees. It was cold, I regretted not bringing any mittens with me and fumbled around with the self-timer using frozen fingers. I had stolen one of my fathers rediculous XXL sweaters the night before and altered it so it fit (for the most part). I've christened said sweater the Atari sweater because it reminds me of an old Atari video game. It was difficult taking pictures of myself, the hardest part was estimating the focus. When I got the film back, about 70% was out of focus or over exposed. I wanted an 800 ASA film but had none, so I used 400 ASA instead. The 30% of the film that did turn out, kind of took my breath away. It makes me want to go down and take photos again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. It makes me want a DSLR camera even more. Here are some of the photos:







I've posted a bunch on my flickr too.


Alright so what else? Not much. Other than Thanksgiving, which is tomorrow. I don't really get together with much of my family, my mother's side lives pretty far away and my father's side is always busy with stuff. My two cousins on that side are grown up and married now, so it's not like I have anything in common with them. My mother's sister is really cool though. She lives in Goderich which is this absolutely beautiful little city on Lake Huron. Her house over looks the lake, and the beach is a two minute walk away. I love it there. She's also done alot of travelling and has a house in France, so I can always talk to her about those types of things. My brother is home too, he's alot nicer now compared to how he used to be. I think University has done something to him. The stories he comes home with are so crazy and fun, I'm sad that I'm still stuck here myself. We're having our turkey tonight, and tomorrow I'll sew for the day while my parents drive my brother back to University.

Usually when my parents drive my brother from and to University I sneak into the basemeant and bring my father's Simon & Garfunkel vinyl collection with me. I have a record player all set up to the sound system, it's rarely used. It always has Tea for the Tillerman on there (I'm pretty sure it's my father's favourite record), place sitting and never actually being played. He has so many records it's not even funny. I'm glad he hasn't gotten rid of them like he did with most of his books. In the basement of our old house, the walls were covered in old books and about 200 National Geographic magazines. I used to sit down there on saturday mornings and go thorugh all of the National Geographics while my brother was playing Zelda on his Nintendo 64. Anyways, when we moved he got rid of alot of books and most of the National Geographics which makes me sad. He was looking for a copy of Ulysses the other day but couldn't find one because he got rid of his old copy. Now he's too cheap to buy a new one and I'm sick of waiting for him to find one used.

Speaking of Ulysses, I went to an information meeting this week for my trip to Ireland in the summer, the one where I go and earn an English credit. Don't worry - we aren't reading Ulysses, hell no. We are studying James Joyce though, and staying at University College Cork in Cork (obviously). I've told myself that I'm not going to think too much about this. I'm just going to go. I'm going to be nervous as hell but that's just life and I'm going to have to deal with it. Theres an average of about 60 people each year, and 50% know each other with the other 50% don't know anybody. This gives me hope that I will make friends with atleast one person. Classes are Monday to Friday, 9AM to 3PM unless an afternoon excurtion is planned. On Saturdays, you go on a trip, and Sunday is a free day to do whatever you want. Here's an example of one of the excursions: "Visit to Kinsale, a picturesque seaport, and site of the Battle of Kinsale, which brought about the end of Gaelic Ireland in 1601. Fish and Chips at the famous Dino’s on the pier.
Opportunity for supervised swimming in the Atlantic Ocean." Is it just me or does that sound absolutely amazing? It's good that I'm getting more excited about this and less nervous just by reading that.

Totally random and unrelated to anything - could somebody buy me DJ Hero for PS3 please? The idea of pretending to be Daft Punk while pressing buttons on a fake plastic turn table really excites me. If I were to get the game I would go directly to the Daft Punk songs, beat them on easy a few times, try on medium, give up, then sell it and get half of my money back (if I'm lucky). My friend has rock band and I'm always on guitar while he's on drums. A true friend plays rock band with you even when you suck and can't play any level past easy.

Well I'm going to enjoy some turkey now. Happy Thanksgiving to all of the Canadians out there! :)

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Like a poem poorly written, We are verses out of rhythm

Alright so I have alot of stuff to say, I'm not quite sure where to begin. September was shit. I got lots of stuff done though, mostly sewing. I finished another dress, I'm not sure if I like it. It's pretty plain, not too exciting.



You may notice the super amazing Gone With The Wind poster on the wall behind me that my mother found at Value Village for only $5. Yes, you read that correctly. FIVE DOLLARS. My mother suggested I put it up in the basement because I really have no more room on my walls but I said I'd make room for it. It's my new favourite thing.



I made a bunch of skirts too. I can't stop making them, it takes me about 7 hours to finish one. I crocheted some mittens and now I'm making a pair for my mother. I'm planning to crochet a ton of stuff for this craft sale my school might have, I don't know much about it yet though. It probably won't happen like everything else.

I bought some filters for my darkroom enlarger so I can now make black and white prints from colour negatives, if that makes sense. I'll be trying that out this weekend. I'm sad to say that I didn't take many photos this month. I've said this before but I'm really sick of taking pictures of trees. I want a subject, people, places. Not just random forests. It's so difficult though, I would take photos of myself but it's difficult when you're using a film camera. I also have nowhere to go to take photos. There is this forest near my house, I was planning to go early one morning at like 7:00 so that I could bring my tripod and hopefully not bump into anybody. I guess it's silly but it would be strange to have somebody walk by and see you taking photos of yourself in the middle of a forest.. I want a DSLR. Maybe used/discounted. I don't want my first camera to be super expensive, I just want to try one out and see if I like it. My father would get me one if I bugged him enough, but he's done so much for me and I'd feel bad. He would probably end up buying the most expensive DSLR you could find though just because that's the way he is. When he's going to spend money on a big purchase, he usually goes all out or not at all. Which is strange considering he's so cheap and gets upset when I want to buy a t-shirt for $35.

School sucks. Nothing new there. My classes are getting better, now that I'm in grade 11 I can start taking more interesting courses. I have fashion this semester. It's kind of pathetic. For the first week we sat around doing nothing. The teacher would actually ask us if we were fine with just sitting around and talking (which I don't do). It pisses me off. I'm in school to learn, to get an education. It isn't offering me anything else. Usually people can go and take part in the whole social thing but that has just never worked out for me. So when I have to sit in a class for 70 minutes and do nothing, it's just wasting my time. I think to myself, I could be at home right now actually doing something productive. I'm getting so sick of that school. I know it probably isn't just that school, every school out there is the same. I'm just tired of the whole system.

What else? Oh I watched seasons 1, 2 and 3 of Skins. I didn't get the hype over it at first but I sure do now. It's difficult to pick an american tv show that it can be compared to. It's like.. the OC or Degrassi or something but with lots more sex, drugs, alcohol and good looking British boys. Now, you're probably thinking what the hell am I doing watching this kind of thing. I really have no idea. It sounds really bad (and let's be honest, it is) but oh my god it's pure genius. I was so sad by the end of season 2, I didn't expect to get so attached to the characters but it's difficult not to. I'm kind of tempted to go on and on about this and that Russia episode but I won't because I don't even know if anybody would know what that hell I'm talking about so moving on.

I went to Toronto today! It was kind of unexpected and not really planned but that's alright. I bought a Where The Wild Things Are tshirt and some lace tights from UO (I'm so proud of myself, I was only in there for about 30 minutes and maganged to resist all of the over-priced crap) and then some cardigans at Zara. Something totally amazing happened when I was shopping around American Apparel. I was just browsing and one of the guys who worked there came up to me and gave me this piece of paper with the manager's email address on it. He said that he would love to give me a job and told me to send in my resume, and that 'they' (other employees? idk) loved my style. I kind of had a heart attack. I went from totally shocked to totally out-of-my-mind-happy to really sad since I don't live in Toronto and would never be able to work there.. Still, I was so incredibly grateful for the invitation and the compliment. If only I could get a job at American Apparel, that would complete my life.

I bought my New Moon tickets the other day. DON'T JUDGE ME. Yes, I'm excited about New Moon and think that it's going to be 100x better than Twilight since Crackwick is out along with the fucking annoying blue tint. Also - the New Moon Soundtrack. Wooooow. Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine Lykke Li to be assosiated with the Twilight franchise in any way, shape or form. I approve. Even if it is only one song. Anything new from Lykke Li would be greatly appreciated.

I guess that's it? So I'm back to blogging (obviously). I think I'm going to let my tumblr go. I don't really need that, I like writing here instead.

Well I hope everybody had a good month (if there are any readers left out there)! :)

Monday, August 31, 2009

Goodbye, for now

I guess I've been on a bit of a hiatus, but not really. From reading my tumblr you would atleast know I'm still alive, I do post on that more frequently but I enjoy writing here instead. I was going to post the rest of my Germany photos but it was making me sad so I'm not. Maybe some other time.

What have I been doing for the past month? Alot of sewing, crafts, needlepoint, crochet, etc etc. I've been making lots of bows too, mostly for my hair. I must have a dozen or more now. I've made two skirts, I'm on my third right now. I went into Toronto with my friend too, I got a few things. When you shop vintage you can't expect to come home with bags full of clothes. I got some dresses, oh and another pair of pixie ankle boots in black. I hardly shop retail anymore, compared to how much I used to. If I'm desperate I will, places like H&M or (in Toronto) UO, AA, Zara, etc. I'm getting sick of UO though. The stuff is so damn expensive and falls apart or shrinks once you wash it. I'm better off making my own clothes. Oh and I'm risking total embarrassment here but why has it taken me this long to visit the Joe Fresh section of my grocery store? For the longest time I thought, "Bah, clothes at a grocery store, forget about it" but that is not the case. It's a good price for what you get and the stuff is actually not that bad. I bought some skirts and tops there.

I've been thinking about something for a long time now, an idea of sorts. It's a bit drastic but I think it needs to be done. I'm getting sick of this computer. Everything. MSN, Facebook, Lookbook, Flickr, Tumblr, all of it. It's bringing me down. All I do is look at pretty pictures and think to myself, "I wish my life were like that". I need to stop looking and start doing. At first it was just inspiration, but when something becomes everyone's inspiration, it gets boring and dull and depressing. What I'm saying is, I'm going to detox myself from all of this. One month, no computer. Just me, my family, my hobbies, my interests. Not somebody else's. I'm tired of just dreaming about things when I can make them happen, within reason. I will fill my time and be productive with it. I find that I am happiest when I make things, when I can be proud of my accomplishments. When I can look at a piece of artwork, a photograph, a piece of clothing, and say to myself that there is nothing in the world exactly like it because I made it myself. That is the best feeling in the world. I won't have to worry about the opinions of others, only my own. I am excited about this, I am taking down every barrier that has ever prevented me from creating something truely meaningful. I feel that when you create something for somebody else, in hopes of good feedback or (dare I say it) being accepted, it loses meaning. That is not who I am.

I understand that I might lose readers, my tumblarity will reach zero, I will not be able to upload photographs to Flickr, Lookbook, or Facebook (like anybody gives a shit about Facebook anyways). This will be a good thing. I will be busy with school anyways, which starts in a week.

There is a possibility that I might fail at this. I sincerely hope not. I know I can do it, and I will. One month, starting tomorrow. On September 31, I may not even want to enter back into this world. But if I do, that is when you can expect the next post.

I'm being a terrible blogger by doing this, seeing as I've already been gone for a month. I'm doing this for myself though.

I suppose that is it then. I won't be able to blog about how bad my first week of school will be, which is probably a good thing. I look forward to all of the wondrous things that I will be doing in the next month; the photographs, clothes, and other things that await to be made.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Munich pt. 2

WARNING: REALLY LONG POST AHEAD

Hellooo! I have more Munich photos to share. I've been busy the last few days - although when I think back to what exactly I was busy with my mind goes blank. No matter.

To pick up where I left off, the next day of our trip (day three I believe) we went on a Third Reich tour around the city. The rainy weather only added to the overall mood.

We were taken back to the Hofbrauhaus first, where the tour guide talked about Hitler's rise to power and the Beer Hall Putsch.



The room where Hitler gave his speeches.



During the second world war, Hitler had the Hofbrauhaus all decked out in typical Nazi fashion, which included painting large swastikas on the ceiling. After the war, they were painted over to look like flags. You can still see the obvious shape of the swastika - kinda interesting.



This photo takes a bit of explaining to do. During the Beer Hall Putsch, a number of Nazi supporters and Bavarian police had died because of the violent riots. Ultimately, the Putsch had failed, but Hitler wanted to glorify it. In doing so, he set up a memorial to the fallen putschists which was guarded perpetually by SS guards. All passer-bys had to give the Nazi salute, and if they did not they would be arrested and/or beaten. To avoid having to give the salute, people would walk down a path behind the monument (which is the path you see above). A memorial has been placed in the form of bronze cobblestones, and given the name "Shirker's Alley".

Some people would walk by this memorial and not even know that it's there or what it means. Most of the memorials in Munich are like this. In order to find most of the memorials, you need to know what you're looking for. I thought the memorials were done very tastefully, giving respect to the ones who deserve it without attracting too much attention to the subject. Afterall, it is their history, they cannot escape from it, but they cannot let it haunt them forever. They should be allowed to move on, and they have been.





A black granite memorial to the White Rose, and other German resistance movements during the second world war.

So next we walked down to the University. I have to say that it was my favourite place in all of Munich. I could have stayed there all day. The area around the University is expecially nice. Everything was so intellectual, like you could become smarter just by walking down the street, by absorbing everything around you. It was fantastic. I've never felt that before. I went back three times after this, just to show you how much I loved being there.



The entrance to the University.
The main square has been given the name Geschwister-Scholl-Platz (Siblings Scholl Plaza) in memory of Hans and Sophie.



So at this point I was crying. The fact that I was with a group of 15 or so people apparantly did not seem to hold me back. I was the first to notice the leaflets on the ground, and it just hit me, right there. It was like a dream, even thinking back now I can't believe it. The fact that Sophie had once walked the same streets that I was walking, could have stood where I was then standing, was bewildering. She was a real girl, with real hopes and dreams, which were ended far too prematurely. I think, there are two ways to see history. By reading, or watching historical films, or by looking at photographs. Then, there is actually being where history occured, visiting the places, seeing the things that people had seen so many years ago. I am lucky, I hav had the opportunity to experience history in both ways. But the second way, by actually seeing the places, is mind blowing. It's almost unbelievable. It is so difficult to explain, the feeling I get when I visit such places. So many emotions go through me. I think that's why I went back to the University so many times. The first, I was too shocked to actually appreciate where I was. The second, I had overcome the initial shock, so I could think clearer. The third, for closure, and good bye, and thank you (I'm talking about Sophie ofcourse, and the White Rose. I suppose I did say good bye, when I knew I wouldn't be coming back to the University again. I don't know why, it seemed appropriate at the time).

So these are photos of the memorial at Geschwister-Scholl-Platz, infront of the University.















Sophie Scholl, Hans Scholl, and Christoph Probst's images were etched into the white stone, along with the six leaflets that they (along with other White Rose members) had written.

I talk alot about the White Rose on this blog, and about Sophie Scholl. I think at some point I may have explained in further detail who they were and what they did. I will go over it again, just because the next pictures (and the memorial in itself) is so closely related to their story.

From Wkipedia - "The White Rose was a non-violent/intellectual resistance group in Nazi Germany, consisting of students from the University of Munich and their philosophy professor. The group became known for an anonymous leaflet campaign, lasting from June 1942 until February 1943, that called for active opposition to German dictator Adolf Hitler's regime."

So, as you may have guessed, that is why the memorial infront of the University is composed of leaflets. The main members of the White Rose were Sophie Scholl, her brother Hans Scholl, Alex Schmorell, Willi Graf, Christoph Probst, Hans Leipelt and professor of philosophy, Kurt Huber. All were eventually arrested and executed in Munich.

On February 18 1943, Sophie and her brother Hans brought a suitcase full of leaflets to the University. While students were in their lecture rooms, the two decided to place leaflets around the main atrium where they would be found as people flooded out of their classes. Before they left, Sophie decided to push the leaflets off of the banister on the top floor into the air. This spontaneous act was witnessed by a custodian, and the two were taken into custody. The other members of the White Rose were soon to follow.

So this is the inside of the University, where Sophie and Hans distributed the leaflets which lead to their arrest.







I remember standing in the main atrium and picturing hundreds of leaflets falling to the floor. It sent chills up my spine. It still feels like a dream, like I wasn't there. Or my body was, but I couldn't grasp the concept that this was where Sophie and her brother were arrested. I was so used to looking at this whole thing - everything to do with the White Rose - from the outside. Movies, and photos, and books. But now I was suddenly on the inside, right there, in person.

There were many more memorials inside the University. This bronze statue of Sophie was mounted on the wall opposite the main staircase.



This was mounted on the same wall, and represents the 7 main members of the white Rose.



In the basement, there was a small museum type room, which told the story of the White Rose. They had articles that belonged to the members too, like note books and briefcases.



Photos of Sophie at the museum.





Some of these pictures were taken later on, after the Third Reich tour. As I said, I went back a number of times because I just loved it there so much.

So during the Third Reich tour, after we had visited the University, we went to The Führerbau (Hitler's office building). We didn't go inside, which I'm glad we didn't because standing outside was enough for me. Ofcourse, the building is being used for other purposes now, but still. Nobody could pay me enough to work there.





You can see at the top of the balcony where the Eagle had been, by the original attachment points. Seriously creepy.

That was really it for the tour. We saw some other things here and there, like the headquarters for the SS, and Hitler's apartment. But really this was the most interesting stuff.

The next day we went to Dachau, the concentration camp. That was difficult for me to do. I even felt uncomfortable taking photos. I'm not sure if I'll post those. Maybe just a few. I won't do that now, this post is already long enough!

Anyways, if you were able to read through all of that you deserve a medal or something. And ya it's taken me forever to compile all of these photos and then resize them because I hate using blogger to upload them, they always turn out so crappy if I do that.

ALSO ITS ALREADY AUGUST AND I'M FEELING REALLY SAD THAT I HAD TO COME HOME FROM MY LOVELY ADVENTURE IN GERMANY. Ugh :( Oh and my only really good friend is going away to BC and she doesnt know how long she will be gone and that makes me sad because I planned a bunch of fun stuff to do with her. Now I will have to either not do them at all or go with my parents FML.

Well I hope everybody is having a better summer than I am :)